Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner : Edward Cullen's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner : Edward Cullen
[ userinfo | insanejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | insanejournal calendar ]

005. [March 18 2009]
PRIVATE THOUGHTS.

My days of mourning for my wife's death, I fear would not end once her change ends. When she awakes, I doubt the anger inside of me will dissapitate; I will forever be plagued by the guilt that has nestled in my chest since the day of her... death. She is asleep, but I cannot face her. I am facing the window, watching the world turn from day to night, realizing how slowly time seemed to move.

Bella's precious life did not have to end in that manner that it did. There are too many things I could have done differently and at the time, chose not to. If I had only planned her transformation earlier and done it then, it would not have come to the argument we had that day. If I had not driven her away by my words, she would not have gotten in my car and driven off. Even then I could have stopped her- I am more than capable of doing so. But I didn't. I waited and held onto my pride, and only acted when Alice had seen what was to happen. What if Alice had not been present? Would I have even moved? Would I have stayed at home while life slowly drained from her inside my broken car?

Bella didn't deserve what I have done to her. She needn't have experienced what pain she had gone through. She needn't have to be facing death before I acted on the agreement we had before getting married. She didn't have to NEED to be bitten. She didn't have to be dying. She should have received the gift of an immortal life in the most painless way- not on the dirty forrest floor with blood pouring out of her skin ripped by broken glass. Things shouldn't have gone that way. But they did. I deserve no forgiveness, and I will not even try what shot I have of redemption. I deserve none of it.

004. [February 11 2009]
October 10th

JACOB.
I would need to speak with you.

003. [February 06 2009]
October 5th

CULLENS.
Alice. Am I imagining things, or did I just see... what you have seen? I am begging that you tell me it's the former, if not, then I do believe the family needs to gather. I had seen unsettling images of Volturi Leaders and Guards leaving Volterra, on their way here. We will be vulnerable if this issue is left undiscussed.

BELLA.
Bella? Where are you?

002. [January 25 2009]
September 24th

Though I might have enjoyed spending a few more days in the island alone with my wife, I have to say it truly is great to be home.

Alice.
I wish to speak to you. In private. I've been hearing things that have left me quite unsettled.

Bella.
It's still quite unbelievable being able to say you're my wife, Bella. To see you here, living with me in our home with our family. Simply surreal.

Esme.
I have left you a little something on the kitchen counter. It's something I am hoping you could use.
Also, I might need to speak with you about... your furniture in the house in Esme Island.

Emmett, Jasper & Carlisle
Your advice during my honeymoon is one I consider valuable, and it's helped me through the first obstacle in our marriage. Thank you. However, being away for so long has left me out of the loop. I'm hearing things I am not liking, and I'd wish to know if there's something you all should tell me...

001. [January 09 2009]
September 8th.

It has been a most blessed two weeks. It feels as if I'm in a different world, with only myself and my wife in existence. This island is beautiful even in its isolation; we've gone snorkling and mountain climbing and even then, I feel as if I have much to show her. The outside world has ceased to exist in this island, along with all the troubles that await us at home. I will wish to stay here as long as she would like, though if word reaches us that we are needed to return, I will pack our things and take the next boat back without hesitation...

[private thoughts]
I've tried not to think about it. I truly have but I've only succeeded in bringing the images from our first night into far more vivid detail in my mind. It's killing me that I've lost myself when I was with her. It was perhaps the most amazing night of my entire existence, but it was wrong! How could I not have foreseen my own strength, the things I am capable of doing to her? She was... bruised and battered the next day, the marks of my own fingers visible on her skin. How could I have allowed this? She knows what I'm doing. I know she does. I have pretended to ignore all the efforts she has put forth so far, and each time, it becomes more difficult, more painful to deny her from what she wants. No matter how much I would like to give in to my selfish wants, I can't. I cannot ever hurt her again. It's more painful because I want what she wants more than anything. I would kill to be able to give her everything she wants without having to worry about killing her. If only I could...

[for the Cullens]
I am having the most amazing time. Thank you Carlisle and Esme for allowing us to spend our time here. It's exquisite this time of the year and everything here is beautiful.

Alice, despite your frequet oddities, I would like to thank you for the arrangements you've put together for us. I will not soon forget it for sure. Rosalie, for playing the piano beautifully and for every bit of help. Thank you.

[Private to the Cullen men]
Carlisle, my brothers. I... need advice. I... do not know who to turn to. [/]

Have any of you received new word from the Volturi?

c/o [info]prossimo_mods [September 12 2008]
i'm sorry.
would you understand what i meant if i said i was
( only human? )

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]